On the Cover of the Rolling Stone...

... or at least the Island Locator! My colleague and friend, Mark Robertson, is the feature story of the new issue of IL. Mark is traveling now, so I'm posting this so he can see the article while he's away. IL did a nice job on the article. Pick up a copy.







Wow! What a spread! Congratulations, Mark.

Saipan is in the South Pacific

(My Saipan Tribune column from yesterday. Some links show up here because I copied the text straight from Wikipedia.)

I have previously shared my view that we need to boldly state that we are located in the South Pacific. I think it helps our marketing in that the term “South Pacific” evokes an accurate image of what we are all about – sandy beaches, swaying palm trees, lush vegetation, coconuts. I’ve also argued that “South” does not need to be strictly defined in relation to the equator. It’s just in relation to some other place that’s north of us. We are certainly in the “southern” Pacific. There is no arguing that. The word “North” is not a good word to depict a tropical island.

Nevertheless, any time I say I live in the “South Pacific,” some wisenheimer pipes up, “We’re in the NORTH Pacific.” Arrrrgh. Think outside the equatorial box! I finally did a bit of research on the matter and I am now vindicated in saying we’re in the South Pacific. This phrase needs to be integral to all our self descriptions.

Now, granted, the only place that I could find anything on a Google search for “Where is the South Pacific” was on Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia whose entries are written by anyone that wants to write them. But still, unless you’re deciding about life and death, it seems to be a pretty accurate place for information, and I rely on it regularly.

Wikipedia’s entry on South Pacific states the following: “The South Pacific is an area in the southern Pacific Ocean.” Okay, that is good enough for me, but if you need more, the article gives you three options. It states that the term, South Pacific, may refer to

1. Australasia, an area including Australia, New Zealand, New Guinea and other islands including the eastern part of Indonesia;
2. Oceania, a geographical (often geopolitical) region of many countries/territories (mostly islands) in the southern Pacific Ocean;
3. Strictly taken, that part of the Pacific Ocean area south of the equator bordered by Indonesia, New Guinea, Australia, New Zealand, the 60th south latitude, the west coast of South America and the equator. South of the 60° latitude, it is part of the Southern Ocean.

We fall into the “Oceania” category. If you click on Oceania, you’ll find the following definition: “The exact scope of Oceania is defined variously, with interpretations often including Australia, New Zealand, New Guinea, and various islands of the Malay Archipelago. Ethnologically, the islands of Oceania are divided into the sub-regions of Melanesia, Micronesia, and Polynesia. The term is also used by numerous authors and in many languages to define one of the continents.”

Clearly, Oceania is a term that’s used rather loosely, but it does include the islands of Micronesia, and right there on the list in the article, you’ll find that the Northern Mariana Islands are part of Micronesia. I don’t think anyone disputes that.

It’s not that I was doubtful by my own inclination to place us in the “South Pacific,” but now I have something to help nudge anyone who is sitting on the fence, confused by the equator. At least someone else out there agrees that it’s appropriate for Saipan, Rota and Tinian to be called part of the South Pacific. There will still be the sticklers who will reference our location to the equator, and continue to say we’re in the North Pacific. But for the rest of us, the South Pacific is where we are. And for many of us, it’s okay to be in both the North and the South Pacific, depending on who we’re talking to, and what the situation is. For tourism and travel, and anyone north of us, we’re in the South Pacific.

Epidemic Strikes Mariana Islands

You may have seen the article on the front page of the Tribune today. We are in the midst of an ugly epidemic of "pink-eye." This strain appears to be highly infectious, striking members of entire families within ours of one another. It's also one of the "hemorrhagic" strains which causes bleeding on the surface of the eye. I've been seeing about a dozen patients a day with this for the past few days.

Pink eye is caused by one of several viruses. It usually takes a week or two to go away. I tell my patients that it's just like a cold. We can't cure it. You have to wait it out. But we can treat the symptoms -- pain, itching, tearing, irritation --- with a variety of medications. This is the reason people come to see me: to get relief of their symptoms.

The big danger with viral conjunctivitis of this sort is that it can cause permanent corneal scarring and vision loss. Scarring can be prevented if we catch things early enough.

The big effect of epidemic viral conjunctivitis is that it results in huge losses in productivity from the general misery it brings. And, because it's highly infectious, anyone who gets it needs to stay away from work or school for about a week.

Isolation is one of the ways to prevent spread. The virus is spread through indirect contact with tears. Someone has pink-eye, they rub their eye and open a door. You're the next person to open that door, then you touch your eye innoculating it with the virus and you get pink eye. Prevention lies in washing your hands after you touch your eyes, if you have the virus; and in washing your hands before you touch your eyes if you don't have it yet. Don't share towels or pillow cases.

It's not an airborne disease. There is some superstition that if you look at someone with pink-eye, you'll catch it. This isn't true. You have to come into contact with the tears, directly or indirectly.

Be careful. Wash your hands. This is a miserable strain right now.

Casinos and Public Health

(My column from today's Saipan Tribune).

I’ve thought it rather witty that those who don’t support the casino have been calling it the “casiNO,” and I’ve been surprised that we haven’t yet seen the “caSINo” signs. I also fully expect to see that the supporters, who are touting “Economic Jackpot” will soon be putting up “CASHino” signs. What spin we see when elections near!

With the signs going up, and the ballots being prepared for the vote on the casino issue, I decided to do a little research of my own on the health effects of casinos on a community.

There is actually quite a bit of experience and hard data on the issue, particularly from Canada, where provincial governments have about ten years experience with the effects of casinos on their communities. It’s recognized that casinos (and gambling in general) bring problems. The motivating factor for communities to allow gambling is always money. No one says, “Wow, this is a socially beneficial activity, so let’s bring it into our community.” They say, “We need the money, so let’s allow gambling.” When government revenues decrease, as have ours, people start to look to gambling as a way to increase government income, and it works! To the extent that governments either tax the revenues, or are shareholders in the gambling operations (such as in state run lotteries, or government owned casinos) government revenue does increase. Gambling, can indeed be an “economic jackpot.”.

Now, in order for that to happen, the casino users, MUST lose money. It’s how the casinos make profit. In order for the gambling operation to be profitable, the gambler must lose money, and so all the games and the machines are designed to make you, collectively, lose. It’s simple math. In fact, it has been said, that lotteries and casinos and other gambling operations are a way to tax people who don’t understand math.

Communities that allow gambling almost immediately experience an increase in both the number of people in the community who gamble, and the amount of money spent on gambling. For example, in Niagara, the year before their casino opened, 11% of the population had gambled. A year later, 43% had gambled. The amount of money spent per individual on gambling increased five times during this same period. That’s great news for the casino and the government, but not good news for the people who are spending (and losing) their money.

Most people who gamble don’t develop any problems (other than losing money). However, a small, but significant segment of the population will experience adverse effects from gambling. According to a study looking at public health perspectives of gambling in Ontario, “problem gamblers” are defined as those individuals that “have a continuous or periodic loss of control over gambling, a preoccupation with gambling and with obtaining money to gamble, irrational thinking, and a continuation of these behaviors despite adverse consequences.”

How many people are affected by problem gambling, and what effect does a casino have on this number? In Niagara, the percentage of residents with gambling problems before the casino was 2.5%. After the opening of the casino, the number doubled. If we apply those numbers to the CNMI indigenous population, presuming about 20,000 indigenous residents, we would end up with about 1,000 people with gambling problems after the opening of a casino. That sounds like a big problem for a small tightly knit interrelated community.

The health and social problems of gambling have been well documented, and we have experience already with this problem here in the CNMI. HealthUnit.org describes the health effects of gambling as follows:

Problem gambling, while providing additional revenues, also results in significant costs to the individual, his or her family, and society as a whole. Uncontrolled spending, the resulting debts and the strategies used to gain more money to gamble has a significant impact on many determinants of health and can cause marital conflict, child neglect, poor work performance, multiple addictions, stress-related physical ailments, crime and even suicide. Children of pathological gamblers are two times more likely to attempt suicide, have lower grades than their peers and have higher rates of substance abuse.

The cost of problem and pathological gambling does not only affect individuals and their families. Society also bears the brunt of gambling, with the overall cost to taxpayers estimated at $56,000 for each problem gambler, including cost of treatment, health-related costs, absenteeism at work and time spent in courts.

Problem gamblers are more likely than the general population to be involved in other forms of addictive behavior such as alcohol or drug abuse. Stress-related ailments such as ulcers, colitis, high blood pressure, heart disease, migraines and skin problems are also much more common among problem gamblers. Even more serious is the rate of attempted suicide, which is higher among pathological gamblers than among all other addictive behaviors. A Québec study of college students found that 26.8% of pathological gamblers had attempted suicide compared to 7.2% of college students with no gambling problem.

Crime is also an issue between problem and pathological gamblers and becomes a viable option to support gambling habits when all other resources are exhausted. "Studies show that two out of three pathological gamblers commit crimes to pay off debt or to continue gambling. While the majority of crimes are nonviolent and involve embezzlement, cheque forgery, stealing credit cards, tax evasion, fencing stolen goods, insurance fraud, bookmaking, and/or employee theft, in some cases they involve violence and armed robbery." (National Council on Welfare, 1996, p.28)

So, there is no question that casinos bring increased revenue to their shareholders and to the government. There is also no question that casinos bring social and health problems into their communities. There is no need denying the financial benefits, nor the problems. Where you stand on the casino issue depends on how you weigh the benefits against the problems. Either way, there are trade-offs. You give something and you get something. Either you give up the money, and maintain social and mental health; or you give up social and mental health and get money. That’s a definite. It’s been studied and shown in communities that have the experience with casinos. Casinos bring more money. And they bring more problems. No matter how you vote, you will be giving something up. Just have your eyes open to this fact.

As for me, I see enough social ills and health problems on a daily basis in our community. I don’t want to see any more. If we follow the pattern of other communities that bring in casinos (and there is no reason to think we won’t), within a year of casinos we will have twice the number of people suffering from problem gambling and the economic and mental devastation it brings to their families. From my perspective, the money just isn’t worth it.

This is Sick.

You can now hire a lying service. No kidding. Here is some of the text from the "Alibi Network." It blows my mind how nonchalantly this is all portrayed.

Alibi Network is a cutting edge full service agency providing alibis and excused absences as well as assistance with a variety of sensitive issues. We view ourselves as professional advisors who understand our clients’ unique situations. We explore various approaches with our clients and implement the best solution based on each individual case. We understand your need for privacy and we are completely discreet and confidential.

We all encounter sensitive situations in our life. These may include family problems, social issues, work or financial difficulties. When you don’t want to involve your close friends and relatives for privacy reasons it is time to contact Alibi Network. Let us be your Privacy Partners.

We Understand The Delicacy of Real World Personal relations and can help you solve any sensitive problems and situations resulting from them.

Have questions about their specific services? Well, these guys are good at deception in all its forms. Here's a few of their services. I'm speechless.

Virtual Employment
Are you embarrassed to be unemployed? Do you have a critical life situation that requires you to have a job? Would you like to create an impression that you have your dream job? With your own virtual office, executive assistant and business cards?

Rescue Call Services
The phone call from us to communicate any information you desire or to help you escape any situations such as dull meetings, bad dates or other unnecessary commitments that need to be cut short or cancelled.

Having a Discreet Affair?
We invent, create and provide customized alibis and excuses for attached adults involved in discreet relationships.

Virtual Hotel Service
Toll free or local virtual hotel number answered by a virtual front desk clerk 24 hours a day. The operator will greet a caller with the appropriate hotel greeting message and will handle the call according to the instructions.

Virtual Seminar/Training:
We offer a solid and a carefully constructed 2 to 5 days alibi package for our clients who are comfortable with the idea of going to a training/seminar.

"Then They Came for the Baha'is"

(The following is from US Congressman Mark Steven Kirk's speech. I have family in Iran who are dealing with the repercussions of the Iranian government's treatment of Baha'is.)

As Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad took the stage today to address students at Columbia University, his government was working at his direction to find and expel students from Iranian universities—solely based on the religion they practice.

There is a little-told story from Iran—a story we thought would forever stay buried in the darkness of 1930s Europe. This story is about a religion founded in Iran in the mid-1800s that has become Iran’s largest religious minority with over 250,000 members.

As the representative in Congress for the Baha’i Temple of North America, I know that the Baha’i faith preaches peace, tolerance and diversity of thought—values we embrace on the North Shore. But in an oppressive Islamic dictatorship like Iran, Baha’i values pose a clear and present danger to the regime.

In March of 2006, just a few months into Ahmadinejad’s presidency, the Command Headquarters of Iran’s Armed Forces ordered the police, Revolutionary Guard and Ministry of Information to identify all Baha’is and collect information on their activities.

Two months later, the Iranian Association of Chambers of Commerce began compiling a list of Baha’is serving in every business sector.

In May of last year, 54 Baha’is were arrested in Shiraz and held for several days without trial—the largest roundup of Baha’is since the 1980s. Then in August, Iran’s feared Ministry of the Interior ordered provincial officials to “cautiously and carefully monitor and manage” all Baha’i social activities. The Central Security Office of Iran’s Ministry of Science, Research and Technology ordered 81 Iranian universities to expel any student discovered to be a Baha’i. A letter issued in November from one university stated that it is Iranian policy to prevent Baha’is from enrolling in universities and to expel Baha’is upon discovery.

This year, the safety of Iranian Baha’is continued to deteriorate. This year, 104 Baha’is were expelled from Iranian universities. In February, police in Tehran and surrounding towns entered Baha’i homes and businesses to collect details on family members. The First Branch of the Falard Public Court refused to hear a lawsuit “due to the plaintiffs’ belonging to the Bahaist sect.”

In April, the Iranian Public Intelligence and Security Force ordered 25 industries to deny business licenses to Baha’is. The Ministry of Information threatened to shut down one company unless it fired all Baha’i employees. Banks are closing Baha’i accounts and refusing loans to Baha’i applicants. Just last week, the Iranian government bulldozed a Baha’i cemetery, erasing the memory of thousands of Iranian citizens.

The U.S. State Department’s 2007 Report on International Religious Freedom paints an even darker picture.

“Broad restrictions on Bahá'ís severely undermined their ability to function as a community. The Government repeatedly offers Bahá'ís relief from mistreatment in exchange for recanting their faith.

“Bahá'ís may not teach or practice their faith or maintain links with coreligionists abroad. Bahá'ís are often officially charged with "espionage on behalf of Zionism”…

“Since late 2005 Bahá'ís have faced an increasing number of public attacks…Radio and television broadcasts have also increasingly condemned the Bahá'ís and their religion…

“Public and private universities continued either to deny admittance to or expel Bahá'í students.”

We have seen this movie before—the opening scenes of one of the most horrific episodes in human history. What happened to our solemn promise of ‘never again’ made in 1945?

Never again would the international community stay silent about laws banning one group from attending school. Never again would we ignore orders to register with the government and report on your family’s whereabouts. Never again would we welcome a leader who has ordered a religious minority to be subject to secret police monitors and nightly round-ups.

When President Ahmadinejad rose to address the student body at Columbia—a school extolling the virtues of tolerance and diversity—why was there no mention of Baha’i student expulsion in Iran?

This is a defining moment for our new century. The lessons of the 20th century gave us all the warning signs of what will come if we do not speak out. The Iranian President has spoken – will we?

“Then they came for…” the Baha’is -- we pray the poem ends differently this time.

Self Expression and Blogging

I read these paragraph this morning, from Matthieu Ricard's book, "Happiness." He's the Buddhist monk I mentioned a few posts ago.

It may be true that "expressing ourselves," giving free reign to our "natural " impulses, gives us momentary relief from our inner tensions, but we remain trapped in the endless circle of our usual habits. Such a lax attitude doesn't solve any serous problems, since in being ordinarily oneself, one remains ordinary. As the French philosopher Alain has written, "you don't need to be a sorcerer to cast a spell over yourself by saying 'This is how I am. I can do nothing about it.'"

We are very much like birds that have lived too long in a cage to which we return even when we get the chance to fly away. We have grown so accustomed to our faults that we can barely imagine what life would be like without them. The prospect of change makes us dizzy.

Any thoughts on how this relates to self-expression and blogging (or just talking)?

Pars Plana Vitrectomy

That's the name of this procedure. The jelly in the back chamber of the eye is called the vitreous, and in some circumstances, like bleeding into the vitreous from diabetes, you want to take the vitreous out -- "vitrectomy" it. Right adjacent to the cornea, on the white part of the eye (the sclera) there is an area that is a few millimeters wide that doesn't have any retina behind it. This area is called the pars plana. It's a perfect place to insert instruments. If you insert an instrument further back, where the retina begins, you put a hole through the retina and cause a detachment. Not good. So, this is a pars plana vitrecomy.

The tube on the left is connected to an elevated bag of fluid that keeps the eye inflated so it doesn't collapse like a squished grape when you make your other incisions. Those two metal things on either side of the cornea and short hollow tubes that go through the pars plana into the vitreous chamber. We use these two tubes to place instruments through. Usually one hand has a fiberoptic light so you can see what you're doing in there. The other hand has an instrument, like a cutter, or a pick or a laser, or whatever you need at the moment.

It used to be that you would make an incision and just push the instruments in and out of the eye through the cuts. With this new "hollow tube" technique, you just stab the tubes in, do the surgery and then take them out at the end. You don't even need to put any stitches in. It's very cool surgery.

The little lens suspended above the cornea is actually attached to a huge operating microscope. The microscope usually focuses light onto the cornea, but this lens allows you to focus it further back into the vitreous.

Oh, and the big metal thing is a lid speculum. When I operate, people often tell me they're afraid they'll close their eyes. Not to worry. We just pry them open with metal instruments.

One more subtle, but important detail. In the lower right corner of the photo, above the eyebrow, next to the blue drape, there is a purple arrow. That arrow says "operate on this eye." It's bad form to operate on the wrong eye. Especially if you're doing an enucleation. (Look that one up. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it.)

I do have to say that I love my job!

The Joy of Drugs

You never really appreciate the little things in life, like narcotics, until you really need them. I drove down to the football field on Monday to thank Jason for the opportunity to try out for the National Team, and to let him know that I was bowing out due to the injury, and the family needs. Mara bought ice cream in celebration of my "return."

By 9 PM I could not move my leg, and I stood with my head against a wall, tears streaming down my face from the pain. I'm reading a book right now by a Buddhist monk, and he says that even suffering has value if we use it to be more compassionate to others who are also suffering. It didn't take the edge off, but it was an interesting thought at the moment. I took some Tylenol with codeine and fell into a drug induced sleep.

I woke up yesterday morning, still with searing pain and drove to the ER to make sure nothing was broken. Nothing was broken. The doc told me to take anti-inflammatory pills every six hours no matter what, to try to quiet things down -- 800 mg of ibuprofen, for a total of 3200 mg a day. If this didn't work, the plan was to take oral steroids. I also got a prescription for some more Tylenol with codeine.

After 24 hours of the anti-inflammatory meds, I can walk with only a slight limp. It's really amazing, the power of modern pharmaceuticals. Someone who had sustained this injury 100 years ago would have been in pain for weeks. Heck, even now, someone who has no access to basic medicines suffer needlessly.

So it looks like this saga is coming to a close for me.

I ran into someone last night who said they heard about my injury and what a pity it was because the word was out that I had a good sense of the game and was a decent player. Now that was the most unexpected part of this whole thing for me, mostly because I disagree, but it was nice to receive the complement.

Sidelined

Well, it looks like my rise in National Football circles has come to a halt. Although my time on the field yesterday was rather tame, by the time I went to bed, I could barely move my right leg because of pain around my hip. I took Motrin through the night, and didn't sleep much, and hobbled around any time I got up. I was thinking of going to the ER, or at least finding a pair of crutches from somewhere.

After about an hour of limping around this morning, things seemed to feel a bit better, but I still had signifcant pain. I saw Michael Thomas this morning. He asked me where it hurt, I pointed, and he said, "Ah, yes. The psoas muscle." Apparently this is a common soccer injury since it's the muscle used for kicking and sprinting.

Now that I've been sitting again for a bit, I'm in excrutiating pain when I move. This feels like it's going to take a while to get better. I'm bummed.

Football Continues...

We had our third practice on Friday evening, which went well enough. There were no sprints.

Today we had our first game, playing against the Saipan Thai Team. We lost 1-2, but no goals were scored while I was on the field. We played three 30 minute periods and I was on for about 20 minutes. Nothing spectacular and nothing disastrous. I just wish I were quicker.

We have practice tomorrow evening and again on Thursday and at that time Jason will make the cuts to form the team. As much as I'd like to make the team, the reality is that it's hugely taxing on my family. Mara keeps encouraging me, saying that if I make the team, it's only a six week season. But I see the strain on her and the four kids, so I have a decision to make this week.

I will say that I think Jason is a great coach. He's firm and lays down the law when needed (like today), but he does it in a way that is respectful. He also encourages good play and brings out the best in everyone.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: Football Tryouts Day 2

I made it throught the second practice, but it wasn't pretty.

The Good: I passed much better, with better form and technique. I scored a goal in our four member drills. I was able to execute the "thigh-thigh-foot-header" juggle drill twice. My stamina was decent.

The Bad: Dribbling. I still don't get those turns and fakes. I read something that if you didn't develop good dribbling skills by age 17, you're out of luck.

The Ugly: The sprints. Oh, it was ugly. I was a millimeter away from just sitting down and saying "thanks, but I'm done with this National Team thing." As I fell further behind, my stomach quesy and my heart pounding, there just wasn't enough air in the atmosphere to sustain me. I imagined laying face down on the ground sucking molecules of oxygen from the grass. One or two people were walking, and that inspired me to just keep going. I ran as fast as I could, which eventually slowed to just barely a jog, but I managed to keep going. I guess 3 mile runs in the morning now need to be supplemented with some sprints.

Tonight's another session, then exhibition game on Sunday at 4PM, and cuts after the game.

An Excellent Practice!

Tonight was the first practice/tryout for the NMIFA Men's National Football Team. After some mind bending warm ups, and dribbling drills, the visiting EAFF official from Japan put us through a couple of small team exercises (which probably saved us from sprints that Coach Higgins must have had planned). We finished up with the Tunnel of Love, which was rather enjoyable, and a nice alternative to the infamous Circle of Death. No one vomited. I like Coach Higgins. In addition to being a nice guy, he's a good teacher, and sane.

I had more stamina than I expected. Angelo and I have been running 3 miles every morning for the past week, so I chalk up my ability to make it through the practice to that little bit of training. We're off for our run again tomorrow morning at 6AM.

I'm a lousy dribbler, and the dribbling drills confused me. I need this stuff in slooooow motion.

Overall assessment: I made it through one practice! See you all on Thursday evening.

Editor's Note: I changed the title from the original one so as not to tempt the Fates. Happier now, Brad?

Tomorrow's the Big Day

At 5:00 PM, Monday, September 17, I, David Khorram, am going to walk onto a soccer field to try out for the Mariana Islands' Men's National Football Team. I've played an extraordinary 8 games of soccer in the last 20 years. But hey, this is Saipan. Anyone can do anything. My goal is to make it through the first practice. This really is the tryout for the National Team. And National Team really does mean National Team. Think "Team USA" or "Team Italia." (Or think Jamaican Bob Sled Team.)

My hope is to pick up some soccer skills over the one week tryouts to carry over into the rest of the season. It's taken quite a bit of arranging for me to get a pass for the Monday, Thursday and Friday evening practices. I would like to thank my lovely wife, Mara, for her never-ending support. (Though, if by some fluke I actually make the team, I'm sure the never-ending support will evaporate quicker than you can say, "But, Honey, I'm really enjoying it," at the prospect of having me away from home for three evenings a week.)

I have very little lung capacity, so I'm going to shave the two pounds of hair off of my legs to give me an aerodynamic edge.

Winner of Caption Contest Celebrates in Cat Costume

One of Saipan's newest bloggers, Tamara, has won the Gory Eye Caption Contest with her winning entry, "When making Cream of Eyeball soup, one must use only the freshest of ingredients! (Eww)"

She'll be sharing the full recipe soon.

Skip over to her blog, "Seaweed, Sand and Sunsets," to see her celebrating in her cat costume.

New Poll

This may be the first poll in the CNMI blogosphere that actually has some real world value. Okay, so granted, that value is only to me, but that's a start.

Help me out. I've got two choices on the table for the title to the book I've completed. The book is a collection of my columns from the Saipan Tribune.

Here is what the book is about (from the back cover). Believe me, it took a long time to figure this out, but your comments helped formulate the description.

This eclectic collection of stories and insights from an eye surgeon in the South Seas combines wit, wisdom, care and compassion to make you laugh out loud and invite you to ponder life’s big questions. Expect to gain perspectives that will lead you to healthier, richer, more meaningful living.

If you have other suggestions for titles, fire away. The purpose of a title is to accurately reflect what's inside, and to get someone to pick the dang book up. The shorter, the better, which is where my current choices are a bit weak, but the columns are so diverse that I haven't been able to come up with just one or two words.

Your opinion matters to me, so let me know your thoughts. And vote! The poll is there on the right.

Control

For the past year or so, I've been mulling over my approach to the world. I used to live by the credo (which I still like) that "The best way to predict the future is to create it." I certainly believe that this has truth to it, insofar as it points out that you have to take some steps to go down any road. The part that I'm coming to terms with is the part that implies that you can control what happens in the future. I'm more in the belief now that you can certainly influence it, but the biggest influence you have is actually on yourself and on your response to the future.

One of the best thing things I've read on this subject is actually in today's Saipan Tribune, written by my friend Walt. Here's what he as to say:

Many people are frightened by the prospect of change because they fear losing control, but that's only because they've mistakenly bought into the illusion that they even have control. The truth, however, is that the only thing you have complete control over in this life is how you respond to the things you have no control over. You cannot control people, the situations they create, or anything else, but you can choose how you will respond to those people and situations.

Gory Eye Picture: Caption Contest

Why do I feel kinda weird?

This here is a picture of my simian arm. I've never had a number on my arm until Saturday morning. You get a number on your arm if you run a race. That's how I got this number -- I was the 120th person to register for the annual SIS 5K run at Banzai Cliff. My first race ever.

I didn't think of doing this until Friday afternoon, when Russ mentioned it to me. He's got a gimpy hip, so he's down a few notches from his winning triathlete days, and I have a gimpy everything, so we decided to do the run together. It's the first time I've done one of these races. We ran a leisurely 10 minute mile pace, and finished in just under 30 minutes. I got to grab a cup of cold water from one of the race supporters, drink it down while running and throw the cup on the ground, just like on TV!

I never thought I'd be able to run like this. Since my early twenties, I've had problems with my shins. When I'd run more than 5 minutes, or even walk briskly, my shins would cramp up, blood flow would decrease to my feet, and I couldn't lift my feet at the ankles. They'd just sort of flop. I talked to an orthopedic surgeon who told me that the fascia (the sheath) around the muscles had gotten tight, and that if I wanted to run again, I'd have to have a fasciotomy -- splay the fascia open, like a fish (see post below). Recovery time: six months. Apparently, the last eight weeks or so of playing soccer must have loosened up the fascia, because I can run a few miles without any pain or flopping feet. Hooray for soccer. Soccer has given my life back to me. Now, I'm going to give my life to Soccer.

After the race, I came home to find that there was another power outage -- no shower available. So I got my cleats on and headed down for the "mix-up" co-ed soccer tournament. I opted to play forward, and got a few shots off on goal, but didn't manage to score. Our game finished around noon, and I ran out to pick up one of our kids who was in a class.

As I got home and drank some water, I realized that I felt kinda weird -- sort of in a daze. My vision was a bit blurred, sounds were a little distant. It couldn't have been the run, which wasn't too bad. And the soccer game wasn't unusual in any way. And then I realized: I forgot to eat breakfast this morning. This is the buzz of a hypoglycemic brain. I ate a bunch, but was out of sorts for most of the afternoon, even after eating two fistfuls of really good chocolate from Expressions. I hadn't eaten chocolate in about 3 years.

Oh, one very cool thing. Before the race, there were about a dozen dolphins swimming off of Banzai Cliff. They were entertaining the cheering racers, doing flips and everything. I ran over too late to see the flips, but it was a nice sight just seeing them bobbing in the water. It's the first time I'd seen dolphins in Saipan waters.

Carnival of the Blue

My daughter Nava took this picture of her fish dissection at school.

Law of Attraction

One of the things that I battle is my own internal skepticism. About six months ago, someone gave me a DVD called "The Secret." It was a promo for what is now on the top of the bestseller's list, a book by the same title. It's basically about the Law of Attraction. The premise is that the universe will respond to our wishes. It points to the ancient genie in world lore and states that the genie, the "magic lamp" is really the Universe that is always standing ready with "Your wish is my command." The Law of Attraction states that if you ask, you will attract the answer. If you envision it, you will attract it. If you take some action towards a goal, the Universe will open the way. I'm so skeptical, especially when something seems so easy, that I doubt it all. I'm more likely to just chalk things up to coincidence than to some positive Universe responding to my insignficant wishes, thoughts and efforts. It seems too magical. But little by little, as I put this to test, I'm coming to believe it, even plan based on it.

On Monday I put the word out (to the Universe?) that I was trying to find the author of the "chilled mango salad" comment. About an hour later I'm driving down Navy Hill and I see someone I've met walking down the hill, someone I've never seen walking in this area before. I get to the light at the bottom of the hill. It's red, so I sit and wait. The walker catches up, and though we've talked to one another on a couple of ocassions, we're not close friends. For no good reason, I decide to roll down the window to say hello. He says, "Hey, are you going to be able to use the chilled mango salad blurb?" I think he must have just read the post on the blog and knows that I can't use it unless I find the author. "I don't know. I'm still looking for the author," I say. He points to himself, not knowing that I was looking for the author, and says "It was me. Be my guest." It was Mike Ernest.

I'm starting to lose my skepticism and chalk such occurences up to the benevolence of the Universe, the Law of Attraction. Thanks, Mike.

"Like a chilled mango salad"

Someone recently posted a comment that my writing is "like a chilled mango salad." I love this quote and would like to use it, but I need to know who you are so I can attribute it to you. Unfortunately I can't use an anonymous comment. Please send me an email. My address is available through the "About Me - View my complete profile" link over there on the right. I'd love to use your quote.

Can you see Anatahan?

It's there. Look carefully.

Today seems like the first clear day in weeks. A few of us hiked up from the Korean War Memorial up to Suicide Cliff as part of the Beautify CNMI project to mark a set of trails that will link the northern end of the island to Lake Susupe. When we reached the top, off in the distance, Anatahan was visible. I remember the first time I saw it from Saipan, years ago, I was shocked at how big it is. It's been about a year since it's erupted enough to cloud Saipan's skies. Can you see it?

Here is another unlikely scene you could have witnessed if you were there.

Self-doubts

If you ever want to feel better about yourself, just ask a bunch of people to say good things about you. I'm serious. For the past week, in response to my last post, I've had all sorts of people sending me email telling me great things about me and my writing. "Wow, really!?" was my most common reaction, "I never knew that." I think that most of us live with some nagging self-doubts that usually come down to "Am I good enough?" (to be loved). Even those of us who outwardly seem to have it all together are plagued by self-doubts. I often get stuck because of this. A while back, one of the other bloggers who seems to have it all together confessed that he often gets overwhelmed and shuts down.

I've been away from blogs for the past week or two, and so it was serendipitous that as I was getting my self-doubts dissolved by praise from people, Boni suggested a kindler gentler blog community and suggested that we write good things about one another. I peeked at a couple of the lists of kind words that some of you had put together, and I could tell it must have been painful to switch from the edginess and witty sarcasm in which we all engage, to the open-hearted praise. Well-done to everyone, and kudos to Boni for calling us to a higher standard of love -- that's what it is -- at least for one blog entry!.

Now, if you want, take the bold and vulnerable step of posting a "Say some nice things about me" entry.

For some reason this reminds me of a quote I first heard in the movie, Akeela and the Bee:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? . . . We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us."

Marianne Williamson's from A Return to Love

I Need Your Help

I seem to be on a blogging hiatus for the past week. My apologies to those of you who have left comments recently and to which I haven't responded. I was gone to Guam for two days this week to update myself on some retinal surgical techniques with a visiting retinal specialist from California. I left my driver's license in Saipan so I couldn't rent a car as I had planned, but thanks to the helpfulness of fellow travelers, friends and strangers, I managed to get almost everywhere I needed to be and spent only $10 on taxi fare.

Here is where I need your help. I've moslty been busy this past week putting the finishing touches on a book I've been working on. It's titled "World Peace, a Blind Wife and Other Intriguing Matters," from a Goofball Eye Surgeon in the South Seas. It's a collection of about 50 of the most popular columns I've written for the Tribune over the past few years. If you like my writing, I need your help. I need some testimonial "blurbs" that will go on the back cover and in the first few pages. I'd like to invite you to provide a blurb for the book. If the publisher prints the blurb, it will include your name and other identifying data (your blog, the name of your business, your URL, etc.). Just let me know how you prefer it to appear.

Usually these sort of blurbs are just a few sentences long, and give your general impression of the book or author. Some blurbs include why you liked the book and why you would recommend it. Just pick up any book and turn to the back cover and you'll get a good idea. It's there to help a person decide if they want to read it.

If you aren't from Saipan and haven't seen my columns (or if you need to refresh your memory), I can send you an excerpt from the book (click on "About Me" over on the right for my email address). If you are ready, send me a blurb by email, or leave it as a comment here.

My deadline for these is Friday. I appreciate your help.

Yuck!

MARINE WATER QUALITY REPORT

For the week of August 23, 2007

The Division of Environmental Quality has raised the red flag on 17 sites on Saipan and advises the public not to fish or swim within 300 feet of these locations for the next 48 hours or until otherwise notified.

The agency said samples collected from Nikko Hotel, Aqua Resort Hotel, Tanapag Meeting Hall, Central Repair Shop, DPW Channel Bridge, S. Puerto Rico Dump, Smiling Cove Marina, American Memorial Park, Outer Cove Marina, Micro Beach, Hyatt Hotel, Fiesta Resort, Fiesta (Dai Ichi) Drainage, Hafa Adai Drainage, Garapan Fishing Dock, Garapan Beach, and Community School Beach contained excessive concentrations of fecal indicator bacteria-enterococci-that exceeded the CNMI Marine Water Quality Standards.

These bacteria can indicate the presence of human and animal waste in the water. However, studies have shown that storm water runoff in tropical environments may also contain these bacteria from the natural environment, which may not be directly associated with public health concerns.

Water samples collected this week from Tinian and Managaha Island passed water quality standards and are assigned green flags.

DEQ analyzes samples of marine recreational and storm drainage water from 38 locations on Saipan, 10 on Tinian, and analyzes a total of 11 samples from the shore surrounding Managaha. The agency welcomes all inquiries as to the quality of the beach water. The public is encouraged to contact DEQ at 664-8500 with any questions concerning this matter.

###

DEQ would like to create a mailing list for individuals and organizations interested in receiving marine water quality reports (red flags) on a weekly basis. If you do not wish to receive red flag notices, please reply to this message.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

DIVISION of ENVIRONMENTAL QUALITY
P O Box 501304 Saipan, MP 96950 Tel: 670.664.8500 Fax: 670.664.8540
Website: www.deq.gov.mp Email: environment@deq.gov.mp

The end of summer

Well, this week marked the official end of summer for our family. Here on Saipan, I think that the only people that notice summer are teachers (who are off) and parents (who are on). It’s hard for me to believe that the weeks have passed so quickly, particularly when I think back to the post at the start of the summer.

So, Mara’s mother, Carol did arrive safely on Saipan to start her life here. Mara met her in Hawaii, and helped her get her five dogs and three cats smoothly through Japan and on to Saipan. Carol has settled into her house in San Vicente, and has been struck by how nice people are here. (That seems to be a recurring theme among visitors to the Marianas.)

The renovation of two buildings at Brilliant Star went smoothly. I really wasn’t as involved as I had expected because Rob was there every day and took care of everything. The contractor, USA Builders (formerly USA Fanter) did a good job, and I’d recommend them. They got everything done in 40 days, and Rob spent a lot of time trying to ensure that the CUC power hookup happened on time. It did – two days before the start of school. We scrambled on the last weekend to get the campus cleaned up, and with the help of these parent volunteers, school opened on Monday.

Our family celebrated two birthdays this summer. For Mara’s, we took advantage of the Sandcastle special and went, for the first time, to watch the show. It was good, and everyone enjoyed it. When I was growing up, I used to really like sleight of hand, and I learned to pull a coin out of the air, and make it disappear, and I could triple cut a deck of cards with one hand. But for the life of me, I just couldn’t figure out how these guys at Sandcastle could keep making live doves appear out of no where. It was a good show, and worth the $30 per adults (kids were free), though there was a little more flesh in the performance than I expected to see at a family show. What’s up with that?

We also celebrated Nava’s birthday with a trip to Managaha, a ride on the go-carts, and she, blowing out her candle at the exact moment she was born. This was important to her. Mara and I freaked out briefly when we realized that now that she’s nine, her time with us is half over. Nine more years, and she’s gone. That depresses me thinking about it. She does say that after college she wants to come back and live in Saipan. I would love to be able to spend the rest of my life around my kids and their families, like the way families are here. But the rest of the world is a mobile place. It’ll be nice to visit them all over the world too, if that’s where they end up.

The kids stayed busy and happy during the summer, and we stayed on Saipan. We had thought of taking a brief trip, maybe to Bali or Cairns, but, honestly, it ain’t easy traveling with four kids ranging in ages from 2-8. So, since they weren’t going crazy, we decided to just say put.

Other big news of the summer was that we got our daughter, Jaleh’s passport. Hooray! She now has proof of her US Citizenship, and it will be a lot easier to travel as a family now that we don’t have to apply for the visas for her Chinese passport. A big thank-you to attorneys Glen Jewel and Rex Kosack who helped us with the adoption, all pro bono.

As an aside, adoption is a very common thing here in Saipan. At our kids school, which has 100 or so kids, there are 10 kids that come to my mind immediately that are adopted. A few of the attorneys on the island have adopted kids, and as part of their community service, they help families with adoption legal work on a pro bono basis.

Soccer has been great, and from my other posts you know I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s also inspired me to get into better aerobic shape. Last week I did something I hadn’t done since college: I ran two miles. I hate hate hate running. But now that I’m doing it for a reason, I’m more willing to do it, even though I still hate it. I find running so boring that usually after 10 minutes, I just say, “okay, I’ve had enough.” It might help me to run with someone, just to have some conversation and keep my mind off the monotony. Anyone want to run in the mornings early?

Russ has offered to take me out biking, so as soon as my “form-enhancing” shorts arrive, we’re heading out. (No cameras allowed).

Work was good this summer too. Now that I’ve been focusing on seeing the patients who are the most complicated and those who are surgical patients (while Mark focuses on everyone else in our practice), I really look forward to going to work. I love operating. Bev asked me if she could come watch some surgery, and I’m happy to arrange it for any other friends.

That’s it. The summer was good. I’ll add some pictures to this post later.

Thinking Blogger Award

I haven't gotten a chance to acknowledge Angelo for bestowed upon me a "Thinking Blogger" award. Thanks, Angelo. I'm honored. Now, I'm supposed to nominate up to five people for this award. Other than Angelo, and Jeff, who already have the award, there is one other blogger that makes me think regularly.

A couple of his posts really went deep, like this one. And today, while I was in surgery trying to concentrate on removing a cataract, this one (which is hilarious) kept popping into my head.

There is clear evidence that beneath the persona, there is a profound mind at work.

So, I pass the Thinking Blogger award on to Saipan's own Einstein in the Sand. Nice work.

Abundance

I saw this on Walt's blog. It totally resonates with me, so I'm posting it here to refer to periodically. I don't limit his use of the word "wealth" to financial wealth, but rather think of it as general abundance and and a sense of well-being.

The following is an excerpt from Happy Pocket Full of Money By David Cameron.

"Cause others to experience wealth massively, increase their wealth consciousness massively, and you will experience wealth massively. Look at life today. Any business that deals with the increasing of people’s productivity and connectivity always becomes a very big self-sustaining business. It may not be a perfectly good business, but it is big and self-sustaining. Software, networks, transport, electronics, and such businesses improve people’s productivity and
standard of living and in return, they grow. But that is only a scratch on the surface. Even more magnificence will come our way when we start building businesses that deliberately are designed to give rather than receive. Businesses designed to cause first that other people get wealthy. Future businesses will be designed to cause growth that is true growth and not growth with serious side effects somewhere else. These businesses will cause elevation of populations
from a lower standard of living to a higher one, and elevations in their consciousness and well-being. The more you cause others to have in wealth, the more you will have in wealth, effortlessly."

Let me emphasize that point...

... that lifestyle is the cause of most disease. Here are statistics from the Center for Disease Control for 2000.

"The leading causes of death were

• Tobacco (435,000 deaths; 18.1% of total US deaths)
• Poor diet and physical inactivity (400,000 deaths; 16.6%)
• Alcohol consumption (85,000 deaths; 3.5%)
• Microbial agents (75,000)
• Toxic agents (55,000)
• Motor vehicle crashes (43,000)
• Incidents involving firearms (29,000)
• Sexual behaviors (20,000)
• Illicit use of drugs (17,000)."

Those of us who live pretty clean lives are most likely to die from #2 -- poor diet and physical inactivity.

Hearing Today

Well, the congressional hearing on federalization of our local immigration is taking place today. Are any of you bloggers going? I was planning to go, but I think I've decided not to. Last week I got in touch with Jayvee, my editor at the Tribune, to see if he could get a "press pass" for me. Apparently, there are no press passes, nor a designated section for the press. We would just have to fight with the throngs for a seat, and I expect there will the throngs. (I just realized that "throngs" and "thongs" are almost the same word. Here's a Middle Road question for you: "Do you expect there will be thongs at the hearing?" Sorry to even put that image into your head.)

Instead of a press pass, I thought about going anyway, and wearing my NMIFA soccer ID around my neck, and carrying myself like I belonged in the front row. That kind of stuff always works for me.

But, ultimately, I think I decided that I've already heard all the points of view on this. And I don't want to hear them again. Some of them churn my stomach. Plus, I don't like to be in places that require a lot of security. I don't' worry about the threats. I worry about the security guys walking around with those M16's, looking a little unsure about what to do other than just spray. It was pretty freaky after 9/11, driving up the airport here in Saipan, seeing these guys in full combat gear, walking around with their machine guns. I actually asked one of them, "Is that a real gun?".

So, anyone going?

Doctor's don't know jack.

Okay, they know a lot about disease, and treating disease, but not one lick about health, and keeping someone healthy. I was at a medical staff picnic last weekend, and the potluck menu included a bucket of KFC, two Pizza Hut slabs, white bread sandwiches, and if you were there, you would have seen a toddler being given sips of beer. All the food tastes good, but the stuff is toxic to your health.

The vast majority of diseases in America and its outcroppings like Saipan are "lifestyle" diseases -- heart disease, diabetes, cancer. You get that stuff because of the way you live -- eat high fat foods and live a sedentary point and click lifestyle. The way to determine where a country is on a developmental scale is to look at their diseases. Developing countries deal with infectious disease. People die of things like measles, influenza, etc. When they reach a level of affluence where they can afford high-fat foods and a higher percentage of animal products, then they begin to experience diabetes and heart disease.

In medical school we had exactly one day of lecture on nutrition. But this is the key to treating almost every disease that we face. Even if you don't exercise much, if you eat well, you'll do well. All the new fangled drugs to treat high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes, are really just a testament to the failure of American medicine and preventive health. Our new dialysis center is a beautiful building that is a monument to the failure of our system to prevent diabetes.

The hard part about preventive medicine is that you require people to make changes before anything goes wrong. They have to realize that the morsel of fat they're about to put into their mouths won't cause problems now, but will lead to a rotten life later.

In reality, it's pretty simple stuff. You gotta stop eating garbage (and honestly, almost everything you eat falls into the category of garbage). You can turn your life around in a matter of weeks. Pick up a copy of Eat to Live. It will change your life. By reading it, you'll likely know more about nutrition and health maintenance than 95% of the doctors you'll ever meet. But don't just read it. Knowledge isn't enough. You have to take action.

Let me know if you need help. If you want to lose weight or improve your health, Eat to Live is the path. I usually help my patients lose about 20 pounds within 10 weeks. I lost 30 pounds in 12 weeks and got down to my high-school weight. That was three years ago, and I've kept it off.

Smiley Eels and Boonie Dogs

Here is my column from today's Saipan Tribune.

***

Our family of six stopped by the drive-thru window of a local fast food restaurant because no one wanted to cook. Our oldest son, Arman, who is six, had recently taken a liking to the Smiley Meal. He didn’t really like the food, but he really liked the toy, which is why, I suppose, it’s there in the first place.

We pulled up to the little speaker. “Hello, welcome to Fast Food, may I take your order?”. I’m guessing that’s what she said. You know how those drive-thru speakers can be sometimes – pretty crackly. “Yes, I’ll have a blah, two blahs, one blah, and one Smiley Meal.” “May I repeat your order, sir? That’s one blah, two blahs, a blah, and one Smiley Eel.”

Hmmmmm. I’m pretty sure I said “Smiley Meal” and she probably heard “Smiley Meal” and she may have even meant to say “Smiley Meal”, and it may have just been the speaker crackling, but I’m sure she said “Smiley Eel.” Here on the tropical island of Saipan, it would be quite possible to get a Smiley Eel at the local Fast Food place.

The scene flashes across my mind: Arman gets the Smiley Meal box. Everyone is opening their food. He sticks his hand into the box without looking and this smiling slithering sopping wet three feet long eel latches onto his wrist with two hundred tiny razor teeth. He screams! Everyone screams. Food flies! The eel won’t let go! Arman is flailing his arm and the eel is swinging like a fat whip, smacking the other kids as they try to duck. Blood is spurting from Arman’s wrist, splattering the inside of the windows. This is the scene that I imagine, in that split second. Parents are programmed to imagine worst-case scenarios in an instant, as part of an evolutionary mechanism to ensure the survival of the species while simultaneously keeping parents on the edge of insanity. I stare at the speaker and hear. “Sir, will that be all?”

I’m weighing my options. I mean, I really don’t want to end up with a Smiley Eel instead of a Smiley Meal. I’d better clarify things, don’t you think? Well, I break with long-standing character flaws and put my trust in the forces of the universe. “Yes, that will be all.” “Thank-you, next window please.” I pull up with a sense of doom.

She passes the food though the window. The kids are eager. I (while still completely trusting in the forces of the universe, mind you), peek inside the Smiley Meal box. No eel. Whadya know. Silly me.

I pass everything back, shaking my head and chuckling at myself for my ridiculous imaginings. Arman gets his meal, thrusts his hand inside the box, pulls it out screaming! Food flies. Everyone is screaming. It’s minivan pandemonium! “What in Ray Kroc is going on?!,” I wonder, “I checked the box. I swear I did!”

Tears are running down Arman’s face as he clutches something in his small hand. “This isn’t a toy!,” he screams. “Look at this! This isn’t a toy!” (Okay. This here is a little note for Arman’s future college application reviewer or employer or fiancé or whoever decides to google Arman and comes across this column. I’m exaggerating, okay? Arman would never ever respond like this in real life. He’s a great guy and emotionally solid. I’m using artistic license here. Plus, he’s only six.)

I stare at the toy, as do all my other kids, and we agree with Arman’s sentiments: What in the H-E-double-toothpicks is THAT? It’s a sort of demented looking Sponge Bob pin-cushion thing-a-ma-bob. Not much you can do with it, except look at it (which isn’t easy) and throw it away.

Which brings me to my point (yes, there is one). What are they thinking up there at worldwide Fast Food corporate headquarters? These toys last 30 seconds, fill the dump with unnecessary mass, end up in the ocean, or worse, my sock drawer, and have little redeeming value beyond the sale. A toy like this just isn’t very satisfying.

Here is what I propose (and I speak on behalf of all parents). Instead of adding these cheap little toys to the meal, throw in something that will last. Something that will bring joy. Something that will love you back. Throw in a puppy. A cute warm, fuzzy, adorable puppy. (Or even, say, a live chicken.) Now that would be something to cheer about; something to live with and grow with; a pet! And here on Saipan, it would help address both the solid waste problem (by eliminating the disposable 30 second toy) and the stray dog (and chicken) issue. Run a joint promotion with PAWS. Include a Boonie Dog with every Fast Food meal. “Would you like a mangy Wiener dog with your Big Deal Fish Meal, Ma’am?” Now we’re talkin’! “Sir, can we Super-Size that to a Boonie-with-a-Tumor for you?” Yeah, buddy!

Sure, it’ll take a little extra training to figure out how to safely pass the critters through the take-out-window, across the gap, and into the car window (probably tail-first), but it’ll be worth it. We face a multiplicity of serious issues on our islands, and this is one solution that can definitively address several of our mounting problems simultaneously. The landfill wins, the stray dogs (and chickens) win, the children win, the whole island wins! This is a real solution to a real problem. Let’s generate some discussion on this. Do you think a Boonie Dog offer with every Fast Food Meal with help eradicate the CNMI’s stray dog problem, while simultaneously decreasing solid waste? Click on “Comments” and fire away.

Welcome to Saitiro!

So, the issue of the name of these islands keeps coming up. The divers are meeting this evening to discuss marketing Saipan... er, the Marianas... us, the CNMI. I discussed the issue in a previous post and recommended either "Saipan" or "Marianas". Many seem to like "Marianas". Downside: the name is a bit long at four syllables. In marketing, the shorter the better. Another downside: we'll forever be having to explain that we don't include Guam. It will be an annoyance, like the poor kid who gets named "Shakila" and has to forever explain "No, Shakila with a "k", not a "q"".

So, here is another option. A totally new name for the archipelago currently known as the CNMI: Saitiro. That's Sai, from Saipan; Ti from Tinian (not from "a drink with jam and bread"); and Ro from Rota. I like the sound of it... a bit Asian, somewhat exotic. Saitiro.

What do you think? (I'm serious).

A Glimpse of Rota

For those living far away, Saipan seems like some small remote island. Maybe. But nothing compared to Rota, which is an additional half-hour flight south of us, and has somewhere around 3,000 people. It's a lovely place, and now with the addition of bloggers Andrew and Suzanne to the island, the world can get a peek into life there.

Sometimes we forget what we have, and reading this paragraph from Andrew's recent post reminded me that it's the people that make our community.

The most positive thing to note about Rota is that the people of this island, whether Chamorro, mainlanders, Philippines, or otherwise, are all representatives of the salt of the earth. Nay a single soul here has treated us as if we were not part of some sort of family, which is beyond surreal given the world(s) we come from. This unnerving beauty shared among the people of Rota surpasses, even the vast, VAST, beauty of the island of Rota itself...

Another recent post describes, with poetic beauty, the feeling of looking across the night to the distant twinkling lights of Guam. It's a haunting picture.

I encourage all the Saipan bloggers to visit their blog and write a little review about it (or if that seems like too much work, just link to this review). Let's let the world know that a glimpse of Rota is just a click away.

Saipan Slogans

My friend, Scuba Mike, recently asked me what I thought about the "Play Enjoy Relax" slogan that's being batted around by MVA.

Any slogan has to be memorable, unique and descriptive. The concepts are there in this slogan, but I can't remember the slogan. The Hyatt hotels have a similar three word slogan that I also can't remember.

There has been a lot written about marketing and branding. Ultimately, business is all about comparisons. We have to be able to clearly define what we stand for and what sets us apart. What is our USP - unique selling point? What words sum up our spirit? There has to be some direct reference to the fact that we're a tropical island with water, warmth, sand. But that isn't enough. After all, there are plenty of places like that in the world. What differentiates us from the rest? In my mind the key features are the indigenous cultures, the diversity of Asian cultures, the rich history, the people, and the fact that we are in fact not developed to the extent as say, Guam -- something raw about the land. Now, you can't have a slogan that says too many things, because, well, then it's an unwieldy paragraph, not a slogan. You have to capture the gist, the essence in just a few words that anyone can remember.

When I let all these thoughts rattle around in my head, something like "Where Asia Meets Paradise" emerges. Or "Meet the People of Paradise," "Meet the Cultures of Paradise."

What do you think are our unique differentiating features? What slogan comes to mind?

Why I love my soccer team

It's been about four weeks now that the co-ed soccer season started, and I have to tell you, I love my team. We started off calling ourselves Guns n Roses, but the official name is now Taya Talent (taya is the Chamorro word for "nothing"). We have yet to win a game -- two ties and two loses. But it is actually the "nothing talent" that makes this such a great team. Brad and Angelo do a great job coaching and keeping everyone's spirits up. If I were on one of those teams that had a bunch of good players, I wouldn't be playing much. I played the entire 80 minutes of our last game!

When we go into our half-time huddles, Angelo and Brad give some pointers, but spend a lot of time encouraging us, telling us what we're doing well. They even say, "hey, we're playing a better team, so don't worry about the score." They don't yell or roll their eyes at missed kicks or bad plays. They're out there to have fun, which makes it all enjoyable.

In order to become a decent soccer player there are really only three things that I need to do: learn to dribble the ball, learn to kick the ball (preferably with some power) and gain some lung capacity. Just these three little things...

Now, on the other hand, I bring three things to my team. First, I'm lighter than most people on the field, which also makes me faster than most. Second, I don't give up on the ball. And, third, I'm fearless. During our last game, the opposing goalie punted the ball out to where I was standing at midfield, and by golly, I got under that thing and headed it. Never mind that I misjudged the distance a bit, so the ball caught me off balance, knocked me to the ground (like some kind of cartoon character getting hit by an anvil) and flew off in the wrong direction towards my own goal. Who cares! I'm fearless.

I'm having loads of fun, and getting into better shape. My legs hurt less now after practices. I can't say that I've gained any soccer skills, but I expect they'll come. This is the most enjoyable thing I've done in a long time.

A Pregnant Man?

ABC news reported the following medical story that is worth storing in your memory banks for when things get slow during a conversation.

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Sanju Bhagat’s stomach was once so swollen he looked nine months pregnant and could barely breathe.

Living in the city of Nagpur, India, Bhagat said he’d felt self-conscious his whole life about his big belly. But one night in June 1999, his problem erupted into something much larger than cosmetic worry.

An ambulance rushed the 36-year-old farmer to the hospital. Doctors thought he might have a giant tumor, so they decided to operate and remove the source of the bulge in his belly.

"Basically, the tumor was so big that it was pressing on his diaphragm and that’s why he was very breathless," said Dr. Ajay Mehta of Tata Memorial Hospital in Mumbai. "Because of the sheer size of the tumor, it makes it difficult [to operate]. We anticipated a lot of problems."

Mehta said that he can usually spot a tumor just after he begins an operation. But while operating on Bhagat, Mehta saw something he had never encountered. As he cut deeper into Bhagat’s stomach, gallons of fluid spilled out-and then something extraordinary happened.

"To my surprise and horror, I could shake hands with somebody inside," he said. "It was a bit shocking for me."

One doctor recalled that day in the operating room. "He just put his hand inside and he said there are a lot of bones inside," she said. "First, one limb came out, then another limb came out. Then some part of genitalia, then some part of hair, some limbs, jaws, limbs, hair."

Inside Bhagat’s stomach was a strange, half-formed creature that had feet and hands that were very developed. Its fingernails were quite long.

"We were horrified. We were confused and amazed," Mehta said.

At first glance, it may look as if Bhagat had given birth. Actually, Mehta had removed the mutated body of Bhagat’s twin brother from his stomach. Bhagat, they discovered, had one of the world’s most bizarre medical conditions -- fetus in fetu. It is an extremely rare abnormality that occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside its twin. The trapped fetus can survive as a parasite even past birth by forming an umbilical cordlike structure that leaches its twin’s blood supply until it grows so large that it starts to harm the host, at which point doctors usually intervene.

According to Mehta, there are fewer than 90 cases of fetus in fetu recorded in medical literature.

Hyphema

I nearly forgot about the last gory eye picture. Bree was the winner of the Hollywood Theatre tickets for two and as a bonus, a Crabby Pattie.

The photo showed that the cornea, that front clear layer of the eye is normal. But the front chamber of the eye -- that space between the cornea and the iris -- is full of blood. That's why you can't see the colored iris or the pupil. Blood inside the front chamber of the eye is called a hyphema. He has a finding that threw most of you for a loop, and that was an air bubble floating up there at the top of the chamber. I put the air bubble there by sticking a needle into the chamber and injecting the air to try to tamponade the bleeding. The yellow-green stuff on the lashes is a dye that is used during the exam to help assess the surface of the eye and to check the pressure inside the eye. The white part of the eye is red just from the general trauma.

Hyphemas usually do well, clearing themselves over a week or two. The dangers are that the blood can clog the eye's drainage system, causing a high intraocular pressure, or that the blood can be there so long that it stains the cornea. This young man did well, with his vision returning to normal over two weeks.