Sunday, June 22, 2008

Victoria's Secret to Include Free Safety Goggles with Thong Purchases


This is all over the news in the past few days. A 52 year-old woman in Los Angeles (where else?) is suing Victoria's Secret because while she was putting on her newly purchased thong, a piece of decorative metal flew from it and struck her eye. Her attorney states that it caused "excruciating pain" and that the injury was so severe it required "steroid drops" and that she'll be living with the effects of it her whole life.

Gimme a break. I treat corneal abrasions all day long, and I'll use steroids in about 25% of them, just to get rid of any residual inflammation after the abrasion has healed. It's no big deal.

Every abrasion has a theoretical risk of becoming a "recurrent erosion." The attachments of the corneal epithelium can sort of get weak after the abrasion heals, and there is a chance that during rapid eye movement of sleep (REM sleep), the epithelium will split open again, causing a few hours of pain. Of all the thousands of abrasions I've treated I've had one patient with recurrent erosions. It's most common with abrasions caused by paper and by fingernails.

I know what it's like. I developed corneal erosions after my son poked me in the eye when he was a year old. The abrasion healed over a few days (and yes, it was very painful), but then a few months later, I'd wake up most nights with pain from recurrent erosions. But guess what? You can get the recurrent erosions fixed. I had some laser treatment done on my eye, and I never had a problem again.

So, boo-hoo is what I say. I just can't understand the mentality that sues over a thong induced corneal abrasion. The woman and her attorney are giving interviews on the morning talk shows, including the Today Show. I'm sure she'll get a book deal, which will spill over into a screenplay, a night at the Oscars, and an action hero figure whose secret weapon is a lethal metal-firing thong that gets activated when placed on a wrinkled butt.

6 comments:

James said...

I wonder if the story would have gotten so much traction if it had been just a pair of regular, full-bottomed underwear that had caused the injury.

Boni said...

The less the fabric, the more coverage? Maybe she should have gotten the right size thongs. I don't see how anything could get loose from such an uncomplicated piece of clothing unless one were shimmying them up wiggling, and forcing them on while bending over. The whole logistics of it confounds me.

The Saipan Blogger アンジェロ・ビラゴメズ said...

The Zohan does not wear underwear and neither should you!

Marianas Eye said...

"The whole logistics of it confounds me."

Exactly the point, Boni. Therefore, it must have been a defective thong and Victoria's Secret must pay.

Boni said...

"Thong Safety For All" I say!

Saipan Writer said...

Personal injury is big business in the legal industry. Ludicrous cases always make the news because insanity is popular entertainment.

I want to know how you know the woman has a wrinkly butt?