Victoria's Secret to Include Free Safety Goggles with Thong Purchases

This is all over the news in the past few days. A 52 year-old woman in Los Angeles (where else?) is suing Victoria's Secret because while she was putting on her newly purchased thong, a piece of decorative metal flew from it and struck her eye. Her attorney states that it caused "excruciating pain" and that the injury was so severe it required "steroid drops" and that she'll be living with the effects of it her whole life.

Gimme a break. I treat corneal abrasions all day long, and I'll use steroids in about 25% of them, just to get rid of any residual inflammation after the abrasion has healed. It's no big deal.

Every abrasion has a theoretical risk of becoming a "recurrent erosion." The attachments of the corneal epithelium can sort of get weak after the abrasion heals, and there is a chance that during rapid eye movement of sleep (REM sleep), the epithelium will split open again, causing a few hours of pain. Of all the thousands of abrasions I've treated I've had one patient with recurrent erosions. It's most common with abrasions caused by paper and by fingernails.

I know what it's like. I developed corneal erosions after my son poked me in the eye when he was a year old. The abrasion healed over a few days (and yes, it was very painful), but then a few months later, I'd wake up most nights with pain from recurrent erosions. But guess what? You can get the recurrent erosions fixed. I had some laser treatment done on my eye, and I never had a problem again.

So, boo-hoo is what I say. I just can't understand the mentality that sues over a thong induced corneal abrasion. The woman and her attorney are giving interviews on the morning talk shows, including the Today Show. I'm sure she'll get a book deal, which will spill over into a screenplay, a night at the Oscars, and an action hero figure whose secret weapon is a lethal metal-firing thong that gets activated when placed on a wrinkled butt.