Understanding the American Mind

(My column from the Saipan Tribune, Nov 30)

America is a nation of immigrants. Almost everyone who lives on American soil traces their roots back to some poor foreigner who arrived on American shores, often with little more than a desire to purse a dream and a new life. Some, like my father, came with skills; many came with only determination. Most did not speak English. They came in waves, from around the world, and they continue to come. America became the great melting pot, each culture contributed its share to the culture of a new nation, while giving up parts of themselves to be a part of the new creation called America – a creation that continues.

The American Dream – that idea of limitless possibilities – of being able to succeed based on your own individual merit and effort – is a sacred idea in the American mind. It’s the story of the underdog, who against all odds, makes it: the guy who shows up at the dock day after day, to find work, doing anything, loading cargo, and who one day becomes the owner of the shipping line; the domestic cleaner who saves and invests her meager earnings, and before her death gives a gift of millions to a university; the kid from the ghetto who studies hard and becomes a brilliant scientist; the peanut farmer who becomes President.

These two ideas – a nation open to immigrants, and a land of dreams built by little people through hard work -- are intertwined, and deeply ingrained upon the American conscience. Any idea or act that somehow goes against these concepts strike a deep visceral chord. We cannot even begin to understand the federal policy makers until we understand these two concepts and their place in the American mind. The ideas have a history hundreds of years old in the American consciousness.

On the other hand, these two ideas are not so deeply ingrained here. In fact, in our recent history, the very ideas themselves are foreign to us. We have not had any significant immigration. Sure, we have contract workers, but not immigration in the sense of allowing people to put down roots and build for generations and to be a part of our society and government and culture. Unlike for most Americans, immigration is not part of our personal heritage.

Although life in the private sector rewards effort with success, the single largest employer – the government – relies to a large extent on a system of “who you know” rather than “what you know.” There are ceilings on advancement. And a new person in power can result in a complete change in your situation that has nothing to do with your merit. It’s the relationships that matter more. The icon of the immigrant who beats all odds to succeed, is not a dominant part of our family histories.

Thus the bewilderment with the federal perspective. We do everything we believe is required to protect our culture, which itself is not a dominant value of the ever-morphing American culture. We allow workers to enter, but not to immigrate. We pass laws that favor the hiring of our own ethnic group over others. We “reform” our labor laws, requiring aliens to exit periodically, for the expressly stated purpose of preventing them from growing roots and becoming part of the political landscape, the power base. It all makes perfect sense, and resonates with our core value of cultural preservation. We don't want to become politically alienated. We strive to protect our ethnic control over the institutions of power. But the American value and the local value smack hard against one another.

Never mind that in many ways, America is conflicted about immigration and race. The inconsistency does not negate the deep pride that many feel in having come from humble immigrant roots. And never mind that the aliens that are here didn’t arrive with promises of immigration. They have contributed greatly, and the American values seeks to find a home for them.

This is all worth bearing in mind when we sit at a table discussing issues with the representatives of the federal government. They are the sons and daughters of those immigrants who were once disenfranchised workers coming from a foreign land, and who entered America, whether literally or figuratively, beneath the lamp of the Statue of Liberty, on whose pedestal are carved these words:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

Let's Get Naked

I enjoy making people laugh. I think all of us do. A lot of people tell me that they enjoy my humorous writings. I had a friend who took some classes at an improv theatre, and they helped make him funnier. So, I figure, I should be able to improve my funniness. As I'm prone to do, I did some research and bought a few books about how to be funny.

The first one arrived, and it was a shocker. First of all, it says the essence of humor is insight. The funny people are the ones that have the ability to see the world a bit differently than the rest of the people on the planet. They see the ordinary things in unusual ways. And there is a formula by which an insight becomes something funny. "That's good," I think to myself, "because I think I already see things differently, so I can learn to better turn those insights into funny stuff."

Now the shocking part: if you really want to develop as a comic, even if it's just writing more humorously, you have to master stand-up comedy. Stand-up is the essence of comedy -- turning insights into laughs, and getting immediate feedback from the audience. Anyone who does any kind of humorous work has experience in stand-up. If you master stand-up, you can do any kind of comedy. "Okay," I think to myself, "that sounds a little scary." Well, that's not all. The book is about developing your comedic muscle, so the exercise on day one is to book yourself for an "open mic" for a month from now, even if you don't know jack about stand-up today.

I'm at the point in my life where I get a kick out of doing things that scare me to death, and live through them. Doing stand-up would be one of those. I've never really thought about it before, but now that I've been considering the possibility for the past week, it's got to be one of the rawest forms of nakedness there is -- standing all alone on a stage, with just a mic, and an audience daring you to make them laugh. I'm in!

But if I'm going to get naked like this, I want others to join me. Any takers? We can get together every few days to go through the steps together. One of the first things that the course requires is finding a "comedy buddy" because you can't develop material by yourself. You need to bounce ideas off of other people and get feedback on your thoughts. So, even if you don't have the guts to get on the stage, you can be a comedy buddy, and help the rest of us develop our 3 minute stand-up routines. In a month or two, we'll put on what may be Saipan's first Stand-Up night. If you want to get going now, order the book, The Comedy Bible, by Judy Carter.

So, who's going to join me? Boni? Brad? Jeff ? Angelo? Mark? Russ? Anyone else? This is an open invitation.

Flame Tree Arts Festival - Airconditioned

You missed a great event if you didn't make it to the Brilliant Star Holiday Bazaar today. Artists, performers, crafts, raffles... it was like the Flame Tree Arts Festival without the heat. The Multipurpose Center in Susupe is a great venue for events like this. Here are some of the artists, vendors and performers, (two of whom double as bloggers).

Brilliant Star School Holiday Bazaar

The annual Brilliant Star Holiday Bazaar is happening this Saturday. We'll be there, on and off, for much of the day. It's a great place to pick up gifts, or even to just stop by for lunch and entertainment.

I hope to see some of you bloggers there. I've been out of the loop for the past few weeks, finishing up detail work on the book. I miss seeing folks. Are the monthly blogger meet-ups dead? I haven't even seen Angelo since his return. Are you ready to start running again?

Thanksgiving at the Khorram's

Easy Grammar Fixes

This was the title of my Saipan Tribune column for today. You'll recognize that I plagiarized from my own blog, but I did come up with some original material too. I enjoyed twisting the piece. Let me know what you think.

***

I've been learning a lot of English lately. Granted, I grew up speaking this language, but I never really paid much attention in grammar class. So, all my life, I've wondered about certain words, which is pretty ridiculous for a college graduate. Now that I'm having people edit my writing for a book I’m completing, I'm learning all kinds of things! My eyes glaze over when they start throwing around rules with words like "subjunctive clause," "gerund," and "object of a preposition." So I look for easy shortcuts to remember this stuff. There are a few grammar mistakes that are very common, but that are actually very easy to fix with some simple tricks.

When should I use “Whom” and when “Who”?

Here is one that confuses a lot of people. When do you use "whom" and when do you use "who"? Here is the easy way to get it right. If you can answer the question with the word "him," then use "whom." If you can answer the question with the word "he," then use "who."

"_____ did you go to rob the poker place with?" "I went to rob the poker place with HIM." So, you would use "whom." (The proper way to phrase this question is "With whom did you go to rob the poker place," but it sounds kind of snooty to most people, so they don't. But if you remember the him/he thing, you'll get it right, even if you put the "with" in the wrong place.)

"_____ went to the pawn shop?" "HE went to the pawn shop." So, you would use "who."

The rule has to do with being the object of a preposition, but my mind can never figure that out in a pinch. Just stick with the him/he thing and you'll always get it right.

“Its” or “It’s”

"Its" vs. "It's" can be confusing because most of the time, when we want to make something possessive, we add an apostrophe and an "s". If we want to say that the coconut belongs to the tree, we write, "It is the tree’s coconut." So, we mistakenly believe that we need to write "It is it’s coconut." We put an apostrophe on the "its." That is not correct. "Its" is a possessive pronoun, just like "His" (which also ends in an "s" but doesn't need an apostrophe to indicated possessiveness.)

Sorry, I’m using confusing words like “possessive pronoun.” Here is the easy answer. The word "it" only has an apostrophe when it's a contraction of "It is." (Did you notice I just used it).

So, the above sentence -- "It is the tree's coconut" -- could become "It's the tree's coconut," or "It is its coconut," or "It's its coconut."

Bottom line: If you can replace "its" with "it is," then use an apostrophe. If not, don't.

“I” or “me”?

There is often confusion about the phrase “You and I.” Some people grow up getting constantly corrected for saying “You and me,” that they think they’re always supposed to say “You and I.” Not true. It depends on how the phrase is used. The easy way to figure out whether you should say “I” or “me” is to drop the “you and.” So, for example, is it, “You and me spit pugua,” or “You and I spit pugua”? Drop the “you and.” Which one is correct, “Me spit pugua,” or “I spit pugua?” Obviously, it’s “I spit pugua,” so you would say “You and I spit pugua.” What about this case: “She drank diet soda and ate a hind leg of pig with you and I?” Drop the “you and.” Which is correct? “She drank diet soda and ate a hind leg of pig with I,” or “She drank diet soda and ate a hind leg of pig with me”? Get it? So, here you would use, “you and me”: She drank diet soda and ate a hind leg of pig with you and me.

Farther or Further?

This one, I just learned. Use “farther” when you’re talking about distance. Use “further” when you’re talking about time or amount. “The rotting dog is farther up the road.” That’s correct, because we’re talking about distance. “I’d like to give my CUC bill further thought before paying it.” That’s correct, because we mean “more thought.” The mistake people commonly make is to say “further” when they mean “farther.” “We need to go further to avoid the E. Coli on this sandy beach.” That is not correct, because we are talking about distance, and so we should say “farther.”

Toward or Towards?

This one is easy. Both “toward” and “towards” are correct, mean the same thing, and are interchangeable. “Come toward the crazed chicken,” means the same as “Come towards the crazed chicken.” So which should you use? Easy – if you speak American English, use “toward.” If you speak British English, use “towards.” What about us? Since we’re basically under the American system, we can say, “Come fan toward the crazed chicken.”

Pink Eye Epidemic Quieting Down

It seems like the epidemic that struck Saipan about a month ago is starting to quiet down. We're still seeing a steady trickle of cases, but nothing like the huge numbers we were seeing at first. Here is the worst case I saw. Yes, that stuff on the left side is the conjunctiva (the white tissue on the surface of the eye -- here really really red) actually coming out from between the eyelids. She couldn't close her eye because of the tissue hanging out.

Sofia, Bulgaria Today

Wonder what it's like in the capital of Bulgaria today? I've been working with Velin, a graphic designer there, and he sent me this view from his balcony.

Bulgaria is north of Turkey and Greece and borders the Black Sea. It has a population of about 7.5 million, a life expectancy of 72 year, a literacy rate of 98.6%, and an average income of $2,740 per year.

One of Velin's dreams is to spend a New Year's Eve on a tropical island.

The CNMI's New Labor (and Immigration) Law

This controversial bill was signed into law yesterday. The most contentious section of the new law provides for an exit requirement. All non-resident workers must leave the CNMI for six months every three-and-a-half years. The business community has been fighting hard against this. Many rely heavily upon non-resident workers, and the prospect of being without key workers for a six month period, and the cost of filling the gap, have been concerning.

Why the clause? Today's Saipan Tribune gives the answer, quoting the Governor.

Fitial said the exit requirement is designed "to prevent the aliens from making the CNMI their home and making them eligible for permanent resident status [under future federal immigration law]."

There you have it.

Its vs It's

Wow, maybe I should start a grammar column. This one is per Boni's request.

"Its" vs. "It's" can be confusing because most of the time, when we want to make something possessive, we add an apostrophe and an "s". If we want to say that the leaf belongs to the tree, we write, "It is the tree's leaf." So, we mistakenly believe that if we say "It is its leaf," there should be an apostrophe there on the "its." There isn't. "Its" is a possessive pronoun, just like "His" (which also ends in an "s" but doesn't need an apostrophe to indicated possessiveness.)

The word "it" only has an apostrophe when it's a contraction of "It is." (Did you notice I just used it).

So, the above sentence -- "It is the tree's leaf" -- could become "It's the tree's leaf," or "It is its leaf," or "It's its leaf."

Bottom line: If you can replace "its" with "it is," then use an apostrophe. If not, don't.

Whom vs. Who

I've been learning a lot of English lately. Granted, I grew up speaking this language, but I never really paid much attention in grammar class. So, all my life, I've kind of wondered about certain words, which is pretty ridiculous for a college graduate. Now that I'm having people edit my writing, I'm learning all kinds of things! My eyes glaze over when they start throwing around rules with words like "subjunctive clause," "gerund," and "object of a preposition." So I look for easy shortcuts to remember this stuff.

Here is one that confuses a lot of people. When do you use "whom" and when do you use "who"? Here is the easy way to get it right. If you can answer the question with the word "him," then use "whom." If you can answer the question with the word "he," then use "who."

"_____ did you go to the store with?" "I went to the store with HIM." So, you would use "whom." (The proper way to phrase this question is "With whom did you go to the store," but it sounds kind of snooty to most people, so they don't. But if you remember the him/he thing, you'll get it right, even if you put the "with" in the wrong place.)

"_____ went to the store?" "HE went to the store." So, you would use "who."

The rule has to do with being the object of a preposition, but my mind can never figure that out in a pinch. Just stick with the him/he thing and you'll always get it right.

Who is this man, and why is he sending me email from Afghanistan?

International Day at Brilliant Star

One of the highlights for our family every year is the International Day Festival at Brilliant Star. The kids all dress up in international costumes and the classes give cultural performances. Community guests are invited to perform as well. It's held on October 31, and the skies parted for three hours for the event. It's part of the goal of the school to imbue kids with a sense of global understanding. I thought it was very cool this year than many of the children, and a few of the parents dressed in costumes not of their own culture. Several of the Korean parents, in particular, were sporting Indian costumes. Our boys dressed in Thai costumes, Nava dressed in and island dress, and Jaleh in a traditional Korean costume.

Here's Arman

And Kian,

And Nava,

And Jaleh,

And some of their friends and classmates,

The Press Corps:

Teeth Whitening

(I seem to have fallen off of the blogging wagon this past week. Here is my column from today's Saipan Tribune. Thanks to Bev for sharing this information with me while I was at the SDA clinic last week.)

How’d you like to have a nice white smile? I was getting some complex dental work done recently and one of the dental hygienists, who’s a friend of mine, stopped by to chat. She mentioned to me that their clinic was offering teeth whitening. I’d never heard of it. I asked her to tell me more about it.

As it turns out, there are products available through your dentist’s office that can significantly whiten teeth and brighten a smile. Whitening procedures work best on teeth that are yellow. If the teeth have a brown discoloration, the whitening works moderately well. Teeth that are blue-grey tend not to be affected significantly by whitening procedures.

The option that is most widely available (and that is available here on Saipan) is the home whitening kit. The kit consists of a whitening gel and a custom-made set of mouth-guards (or “trays”) to fit over your teeth. You place the gel in the mouth-guards and place them in your mouth for several hours a day. Over the course of one to two weeks, you can see significant results. The gel can make the teeth temporarily sensitive, so some people place the gel for two or four hours a day, whereas other people wear the mouth-guards while sleeping at night.

In order to get ready, you need to go to the dentist to have an impression taken of your teeth, so the mouth-guards can be prepared for your teeth. It usually takes a few days to make them, at which time you can pick up the kit and start whitening.

One of the dentists that I was seeing mentioned to me that he had recently had the whitening procedure, and by golly, his teeth were pearly white.

You don’t have to whiten all your teeth (and certainly not the backs of your teeth), but only those teeth that are a visible part of your smile. If you have any artificial teeth – crowns, bridges, etc. – keep in mind that these teeth will not be whitened. If you wish, after the whitening procedure, you may have the artificial teeth re-done to match the color your new white teeth.

Discoloration of teeth takes place over years, so after a whitening procedure, you can expect that your smile will remain white for years to come.

The cost surprised me, because I expected it to be at least $500. All the dental clinics in Saipan offer the home whitening kits, and the prices range from $200-$395. Currently, there are two clinics that are offering whitening for $150. That’s a pretty good deal for a bright new smile. If you’re considering whitening your teeth, now would be a good time. Your dentist can let you know what kind of results to expect with your smile.